beauty + balance + intimacy

As a small business owner, I find myself (like other small business owners) sometimes doing more "business" than actual coaching. Year-end is always super-busy for me in this respect -- finalizing all the details for Velo Girls (the club + the team), membership renewal, securing sponsors, publishing my Savvy Bike coaching calendar, and (this year) trying to launch two new websites. I've spent an inordinate amount of time riding my desk instead of riding my bike.

Today I spent the day in my mobile office (aka Honda Element) with meetings that took me from San Jose to Carmel Valley to Santa Cruz. Along the way, I snapped a few images, the best of which I want to share with you.

While I would have rather been riding my bike today, the miles in the car reminded me of the many things I LOVE about riding. I love the people I've met, the places I've been, and the things I've seen. Today I was awestruck with the amazing beauty that is California. I saw winter hills, redwoods, Spanish moss, mistletoe, California live oak, eucalyptus, and madrones. I saw farmers' fields, a sandy beach, and country roads. I crossed the path of cows, horses, deer, peacocks, hawks, skunks, and a wild boar (still roaming Carmel Valley Road where I last saw him 3 or 4 years ago).

We're blessed to live here and experience this beautiful state in such an intimate way -- on the saddle of a bicycle.

if life had a dimmer switch

I don't typically write about personal stuff on my public blog, but I want to share this for a number of reasons.  First, if you've been wondering what makes me tick, this might help you understand me a bit better.  Second, I've shared this advice many times with my clients, yet I never considered it relevant for me until now.  I'm hoping these thoughts might speak to some of you as well.  Who knows, this could save you thousands of dollars in therapy!  And lastly, I'm sharing this because I'm owning it (which is HUGE for me).

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I experienced an epiphany yesterday.  To those who know me well, this is probably not a surprise.  To those who know only my "public" persona, you may or may not be surprised.  To me, the realization was life-changing.

My fatal flaw is that I've lived my life in a very ALL or NOTHING way.  I trace this back to my childhood.  It's a flaw of many over-achievers.  When we swing THAT HIGH, there's a complementary LOW swing to balance it out.  Some folks experience this daily, some less frequently.

I saw this trait in my mother.  She was very ALL or NOTHING.  And when she couldn't live her life at the ALL end of the spectrum, she checked out completely.  I don't want to let that happen to me.

So this begs the question, "why can't we be moderate, balanced, mediocre?"

I've been driven throughout my life to be first, best, only.  I didn't see the point in participating if you couldn't win.  I never understood how someone was happy with a B when there was an A possible.  I was the Girl Scout who wanted every single merit badge.  I was never drawn to a career where I would be just another body, just another number in the rank + file.  I've lived my life trying to be unique and special and outstanding.

So I struggle with this -- in my personal life, my athletic life, my business-owner life, in my ENTIRE life.  I've had no consistency.  I go great guns until something, some hurdle, presents itself, and then I swing to the opposite end of the spectrum and surrender.  This hurdle might be an injury or illness, it might be a change in relationship or friendship, it might be a particularly challenging business situation.  I let it get to me -- to stop me.

I'm sure some of you can empathize.  When there are 500 emails in my inbox, it's overwhelming and I don't know where to begin.  When I'm at a low with fitness (or a high with weight) what difference does it make if I have some ice cream or don't work out for one more day?  Unless I can throw myself at a project 100% (or more) why should I even participate?  So instead of living a moderate life, I operate on hyper-drive or I participate in destructive thoughts and actions.

So as I analyze this, I always thought that what I needed was a way to manage the hurdles -- to create a support system to help me through the challenging times.  But now, I'm starting to believe what I really need is the ability to manage my energy so that I can MODERATE myself.  I don't need to swing to both ends of the spectrum -- it's tiring and counter-productive.

Because as we age, as we continue to live life, the hurdles seem to increase in frequency, intensity, and duration.  And the resultant lows are lower.

For someone who was raised to over-achieve, to "shoot for the stars," this is a HUGE paradigm shift.  I've always wondered how some people can be so content in life with mediocrity - in job, family, sport, education.  But upon further examination, I realize that what they have is not mediocrity, but consistency and balance.  I'm starting to think that's not such a bad thing.  It's freeing.  I can't express the sense of relief I feel giving myself permission to JUST BE ME.

The good news is that I think I've been turning in this direction for the past few years.  I've experienced some significant change in my life and have been heading in this direction without quite knowing the destination.  And now, it's all become quite clear.

Life isn't simply BLACK or WHITE.  GRAY is okay.

It's not ALL or NOthing.  SOMEthing is just fine, too.

Maybe I'll print that eloquent quote on magnets and share it with my friends, clients, and teammates who suffer from the same over-achieving, self-destructive tendencies.

getting there by bike

I've long been a bike commuter. it began with my desire to get more training time in way back in the winter/spring of 2000. I was training for my first California AIDS Ride and felt that my weekend long rides + weekday spin classes just weren't doing it for me. at the time I was working in San Francisco and living in San Mateo. each way, the commute was about 22 miles. interestingly enough, I found that the total time commitment to commute by bicycle was similar to the total time commitment of commuting by car or taking the train. yeah, car traffic was pretty crazy + unpredictable back in the day.

so I started commuting to work. my decision to do so was pretty impromptu. I decided one Saturday morning to try riding to San Francisco from home, checking out a possible commute route and timing myself. so I bought a set of bike lights, declared myself a bike commuter, and, two days later, I jumped in.

my first commute was a great adventure. I had no plan. I didn't really have the right equipment. I had too much stuff to carry and didn't have a good way to carry it. I had nowhere to park my fancy new road bike. and once I arrived at work, I didn't have anywhere to shower or prepare for the day. I remember walking to the nearest gym (where my employer had a deal for us), proudly stating that I was preparing for the CA AIDS Ride, and expecting them to let me shower for free. the desk clerk felt sorry for me (or maybe I just stunk) and let me shower -- that one time. after that, she informed me, it would be $10/day. when I got back to my desk, I emailed our Team Schwab cycling club list to find out where there was a shower on-site. unfortunately, there was nothing in any of the buildings near me except one secret, private shower that had been built for the CEO of the company. he had moved offices and no one was using it, but my contact suggested I could sneak in + out and no one would notice. and that's what I did for months.

my commute home was equally as adventuresome. less than a mile from my office, I nearly killed myself trying to avoid a muni bus. I ended up with my front wheel in a muni track and took an embarrassing tumble onto Market Street. I got a flat tire 3 miles from home and didn't know how to change it so I rode home on it. but I survived and was ready to try again.

I quickly learned that I couldn't carry so much stuff on the bike. I started emailing files home instead of carrying paper (yes, this was pre-access-at-home days). I left three pairs of shoes at the office (brown, black, and blue pumps -- I was set for every occasion) as well as a warm winter coat. I stored a complete set of toiletries (including towel, wash cloth, blow dryer, and curling iron) at my office. go ahead, laugh about the curling iron, I dare you! and I tried a bunch of different bag systems, finally settling on an oversized lumbar pack from REI to carry just my clothes, wallet, and palm pilot.

as you can see, it took some planning. and preparation. and a few attempts before I had a seamless commute.

I continued to commute for the next year (while I was still working in SF). somedays I would ride to work and take the train home. somedays I would ride both ways. somedays I would add on some extra mileage just for fun!

and while my original goal was to increase my training time, what I learned was that there was a HUGE emotional/mental benefit to bike commuting as well. when I arrived at the office, I had already achieved something great. I was able to check something off my list before work even began. and I found I had more energy and less stress than if I had been sitting in my car, stuck in traffic, for 60-90 minutes.

since that time, I've continued to commute and errand by bike. I actually went car-free for two years -- a big accomplishment living on the peninsula (during a time when CalTrain discontinued weekend service). I transitioned to a cyclocross bike with mounted racks and panniers and eventually to a touring bike. I still have a five-mile rule: if a trip is within five miles, I dont take my car. there were some definite lifestyle changes involved in these decisions, but overall, I'm thrilled with the fact that I choose to live as car-lite as possible.

commuting and erranding by bike is a great way to save money, contribute to our environment, reduce stress, and stay in shape. but it can seem like a daunting lifestyle change. Velo Girls would like to help you learn how to make this change. one of our members, Torea Rodriguez, took my May Bike Month Challenge, and has forever changed her life. on Wednesday, December 1st, she's going to share her experience with you.

join us at Mike's Bikes in Palo Alto for our 2011 Velo Girls membership kick-off, where Torea will be our featured presenter, discussing the ins + outs of transportational cycling -- 6:00pm - 7:30pm.

you'll find details of this and all our rides + events at http://www.velogirls.com/calendar.php

put a little bang in your yin yang

energy. it's an amazing thing, right? we've got it, we don't have it, we want more of it, we have too much of it.

I have observed that the more energy I expend, the more energy I have. funny, isn't it? when I'm active, riding my bicycle, I feel energized and alive and ready to conquer the world. I'm on a roll and there's no stopping me. when I'm inactive, not riding my bicycle, I feel tired and sluggish and depressed. yeah, there's something to this energy thing.

so, I've returned to practicing yoga. my objective is to balance my physical being -- all the years of high-volume riding coupled with poor posture and bad ergonomics in my office, as well as a couple of serious past injuries. what I didn't expect was to balance my emotional being as well.

in the past, I've practiced Bikram yoga, an intense, athletic form of yoga that's practiced in a heated room. Bikram is Yang.* Bicycle riding is Yang. participating in both has created some interesting imbalances in both my physical and mental self. Bikram is physically challenging for me. there's no half-way for me in Bikram. being a wee bit competitive in nature, I push too hard, I stretch too far, and I end up sore, tired and potentially injured. and then I quit.

my favorite yoga studio, Being Yoga in Burlingame, offers 40+ classes a week. most of these classes are Bikram, but a handful are other styles of yoga. so I've decided to check out some other styles. interestingly enough, these non-Bikram classes are offered in the middle of the day, a time when my energy starts to flag and I find I need some activity to push me through the afternoon.

enter Yin yoga. wow! it's a form of deep yoga with poses that are held for a long time (some of them 10-15 minutes in duration). instead of focusing on our muscles, Yin goes deep into the connective tissue -- ligaments and tendons -- exactly where my broken + abused body really needs some focus. let's see, Yin yoga + Yang cycling = balance. that makes sense to me.

the other interesting concept behind Yin yoga is that it's very meditative. being a wired, ADD, hyper personality, I've never felt comfortable with meditation. yeah, I think a lot on the bike, but mostly my mind is pinging and ponging between a gazillion ideas at the same time. so for me to actually shut off my mind and focus on just one thought, one mantra, for an extended period of time seemed challenging. but I found that it was actually quite easy to be in the moment. and I also found that it helped my mental focus at other times, too.

balance. it's a funny thing. oil + vinegar. sonny + cher. yin + yang. it's all starting to make sense to me now.



*If you want to learn more about Yin + Yang and the theory of contrary but interdependent forces, start here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_and_yang